In to the Ocean

I have three things in life I love more than anything, One of those is the ocean. It is just so beautiful, especialy when it rain and it's dark outside, making the sky gray and the ocean a deep blue or black. I went to Myrtle Beach with my family recently, we stayed at a hotel that had a balcony that viewed the ocean, the whole time I was either up there, or walking on the beach at night or when it rained. It inspires alot of the art I do, and even though it sounds sad and depressing, it makes me happy. The way you can look out as for as you can and never see the end of it. At night, it loks like he sky and the ocean meet and become one. It's beautiful. I believe that when a person dies, they go somewhere else before they go to heaven. I believe that they go somewhere where they can find true peace, they go to their favorite place. Myne is the ocean. When I die, I want to sink down in the ocean, a dark, deep blue ocean, while listening to my favorite song through the sound of water (the sound that you hear when you go under water). I want to die with Courtlin, I want to be holding hands with her as we drift deeper and deeper into the ocean of our dreams. I want to go into the ocean.

Traveling Notes

Have you ever made a traveling note? I made some for my friend today. I blow up a balloon and write notes to her stepdad that died two years ago. Sometimes I write some to my Aunt that died when I was young, or to my grandmaw who died 3 years ago. My friend and I write notes to them on paper and put them in glass bottles, then we put them in the Ohio river and send them to where ever they go. It makes me feel better, they might not get this message, and they might. It's just the feeling that they will that makes it exciting. It sounds stupid, I know, but I like doing it. You should try it sometime.

So Long and Goodnight

First of all, "So long and goodnight" are the lyrics to the chorus of the song Helena by My Chemical Romance. The lead singer (Gerard Way) Wrote it for his grandmaw, who had passed before the song was written. His grandmaw meant the world to him, she taught him everything. How to sing, dance, draw, and perform. My grandmaw was the same way, she meant the world to me, and that's why I am dedicating that song to her. Everytime I listen to it, I will remember her. I have to watch her everyday, dieing before my very eyes. At least she does'nt have to suffer anymore, her suffering is almost over.

Long ago

Just like the hearse you die to get in again

We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate

The lives of everyone you know

And what's the worst you take (worst you take)

From every heart you break (heart you break)

From every heart you break (heart you break)

Well I've been holding on tonight

(Chorus)

What's the worst thing I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Came a time

When every star fall brought you to tears again

We are the very hurt you sold

And what's the worst you take (worst you take)

From every heart you break (heart you break)

And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)

Well I've been holding on tonight

(Chorus)

What's the worst thing I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Well if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?

Are you near me?

Can we pretend to leave and then

We'll meet again

When both our cars collide?

(Chorus)

What's the worst thing I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Well if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Just one question: Why?

Have you ever heard the metaphor, "broken heart"? I had, but I never thought that actualy feeling this way was real. It is. Love is the main cause of a broken heart, including my own broken heart.

She was my first girlfriend. I had dated other boys, but she was the first girl. Her name is Courtlin, and we had been (and are) best friends. Then I realized that I liked her as more than just a friend, but I never had the courage to ask her out. Plus I did'nt even know if she was bi or not. I finaly asked her out after two weeks of picturing the scene in my head, and she said yes. I was the happiest person alive! I had finaly gotten what I had wanted for a long time. After a month or so of dating, making out after school, and cuddling with eachother, I got an e-mail. The heart breaking e-mail. The subject of the e-mail was "Im sorry", and that's what scared me, what could this mean? The message said: "Hey Aiden. I need to tell you that I am not bi, I was just confused, I love you, but as a friend only, not in this way. Im sorry."

I replied back saying : "It's alright. You found something out about yourself that you did'nt know. How could anyone be upset about that?"

I made the e-mail sound as happy as I could, but whether it worked or not, she will never know how much I love her, or how much pain she has caused me.

Courtlin, I love you, but why did you break my heart? Why?

Rainy Days

Days when you just dont feel any happiness in anything, and everything brings you down. These are Rainy Days. Days when no one seems to understand you, you feel all alone in this world. These are Rainy Days. Days when crying feels good, and music is your only guidence. These are Rainy Days.