Mammaw, So Long and Good night...

She died, October 31, 2008, she took her last breath at around 10:10 AM or so, I knew it was gonna happen, but the news hit me hard. I came home from school, and my mom was laying on the couch, holding back tears. I asked "What's wrong, mom?" She looked up at me with sad eyes and said "Mammaw is gone." I heard what she said, but it sounded so distant, all I could hear was my heartbeat, was she realy gone? I stood there for at least ten minutes, staring blankly across the room at the wall, so many thoughts filled my head, it hurt. The women who raised me, took me to church every Sunday before I quit going all together, the women I never respected as much as I should have to save my life, and maybe hers. Things were finay starting to get good, I started my new school, moved into a new house, my family seemed happier, made a new best friend, and then it all seemed to be swirling around in my head, then disappearing the more distant they fell. So long and Goodnight, Dear God, take care of this women, she was the closest thing earth had to an angel, and now that she is one, she deserves rest, peace, and unconditional love more than anybody else. So Long and Goodnight.

XxPlague LovexX (Avenged Sevenfold Fanfic Chapter One

XxPlague LovexX
I awoke with a yawn and stretched my tired arms. My head was throbbing . I got up and stepped over the guys who were passed out on the floor surrounded by beer bottles and drowing in the stench of alchohol. I went to the kitchen and got a Tylenol and took it. I smelt horribly of alchohol. I went back into the bedroom and grabbed my Misfits T-shirt and some black skinny jeans and hit the shower. When I walked back into the bedroom, Brian had woken up and was sitting on the bed rubbing his temples. He looked up at me and said "Good morning, kind of anyway." He laughed at himself and got up to shower himself. The rest of the guys had gotten up and helped me clean the place back up, then took themselves a shower. Brian came out of the bathroom in some old jeans with holes in the knees, his shirtless body no longer smelt of beer, he now smet more like strawberries, it made me smile as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.
"What did we do last night?" I aksed kissing him back.
"Well, if Im not mistaking, we all got extremely drunk, you and I had some amazing sex, and then we all passed out in the bedroom."
"How do you know we had sex?" I asked, giggling at his words.
"Because Im in such a good mood, what else could we have done to make me this happy?" he laughed and suggested that we all take a ride, get out of the house for awhile. The house was'nt that big, it's amazing that all of uscan live in it together. There was Me, Brian, Jimmy, Johnny, Matt, Zacky and Jane. There were 4 bedrooms, Zacky and Johnny shared one, Matt had taken his own for himself, Jimmy and Jane shared one, and Brian and I share one.
After everyone had gotten showered and we all smelt like strawberries, we all went out for a drive with no particular destination, it's actualy been a while since we had an important place to go. We all ran away from home two years ago, Jimmy had met Jane on her roof by her bedroom window at her parents house, they came and picked Matt up at his place, then got Johnny and Zacky as they waited at the community park, then Brian and I were picked up at his place. We did'nt know why we had to do this, it just felt right.

In to the Ocean

I have three things in life I love more than anything, One of those is the ocean. It is just so beautiful, especialy when it rain and it's dark outside, making the sky gray and the ocean a deep blue or black. I went to Myrtle Beach with my family recently, we stayed at a hotel that had a balcony that viewed the ocean, the whole time I was either up there, or walking on the beach at night or when it rained. It inspires alot of the art I do, and even though it sounds sad and depressing, it makes me happy. The way you can look out as for as you can and never see the end of it. At night, it loks like he sky and the ocean meet and become one. It's beautiful. I believe that when a person dies, they go somewhere else before they go to heaven. I believe that they go somewhere where they can find true peace, they go to their favorite place. Myne is the ocean. When I die, I want to sink down in the ocean, a dark, deep blue ocean, while listening to my favorite song through the sound of water (the sound that you hear when you go under water). I want to die with Courtlin, I want to be holding hands with her as we drift deeper and deeper into the ocean of our dreams. I want to go into the ocean.

Traveling Notes

Have you ever made a traveling note? I made some for my friend today. I blow up a balloon and write notes to her stepdad that died two years ago. Sometimes I write some to my Aunt that died when I was young, or to my grandmaw who died 3 years ago. My friend and I write notes to them on paper and put them in glass bottles, then we put them in the Ohio river and send them to where ever they go. It makes me feel better, they might not get this message, and they might. It's just the feeling that they will that makes it exciting. It sounds stupid, I know, but I like doing it. You should try it sometime.

So Long and Goodnight

First of all, "So long and goodnight" are the lyrics to the chorus of the song Helena by My Chemical Romance. The lead singer (Gerard Way) Wrote it for his grandmaw, who had passed before the song was written. His grandmaw meant the world to him, she taught him everything. How to sing, dance, draw, and perform. My grandmaw was the same way, she meant the world to me, and that's why I am dedicating that song to her. Everytime I listen to it, I will remember her. I have to watch her everyday, dieing before my very eyes. At least she does'nt have to suffer anymore, her suffering is almost over.

Long ago

Just like the hearse you die to get in again

We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate

The lives of everyone you know

And what's the worst you take (worst you take)

From every heart you break (heart you break)

From every heart you break (heart you break)

Well I've been holding on tonight

(Chorus)

What's the worst thing I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Came a time

When every star fall brought you to tears again

We are the very hurt you sold

And what's the worst you take (worst you take)

From every heart you break (heart you break)

And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)

Well I've been holding on tonight

(Chorus)

What's the worst thing I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Well if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?

Are you near me?

Can we pretend to leave and then

We'll meet again

When both our cars collide?

(Chorus)

What's the worst thing I could say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Well if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Just one question: Why?

Have you ever heard the metaphor, "broken heart"? I had, but I never thought that actualy feeling this way was real. It is. Love is the main cause of a broken heart, including my own broken heart.

She was my first girlfriend. I had dated other boys, but she was the first girl. Her name is Courtlin, and we had been (and are) best friends. Then I realized that I liked her as more than just a friend, but I never had the courage to ask her out. Plus I did'nt even know if she was bi or not. I finaly asked her out after two weeks of picturing the scene in my head, and she said yes. I was the happiest person alive! I had finaly gotten what I had wanted for a long time. After a month or so of dating, making out after school, and cuddling with eachother, I got an e-mail. The heart breaking e-mail. The subject of the e-mail was "Im sorry", and that's what scared me, what could this mean? The message said: "Hey Aiden. I need to tell you that I am not bi, I was just confused, I love you, but as a friend only, not in this way. Im sorry."

I replied back saying : "It's alright. You found something out about yourself that you did'nt know. How could anyone be upset about that?"

I made the e-mail sound as happy as I could, but whether it worked or not, she will never know how much I love her, or how much pain she has caused me.

Courtlin, I love you, but why did you break my heart? Why?

Rainy Days

Days when you just dont feel any happiness in anything, and everything brings you down. These are Rainy Days. Days when no one seems to understand you, you feel all alone in this world. These are Rainy Days. Days when crying feels good, and music is your only guidence. These are Rainy Days.